Skeletons in My Closet

I have skeletons in my closet. LOTS of them. I knew my ugly habit was getting pretty ignored, but didn’t really see how bad it was until yesterday, when I began to unearth the load of them.

Every event or hasty clean-up has resulted in throwing or tossing whatever hasn’t yet found a place, into our master closet. I say “our”  with a tad of guilt, because the truth is, my poor husband has very little space for his own belongings. Not that he’s a self-acclaimed fashionista like me or anything.  In fact, out of all the hanging space in there, mine consumes every rack except for one, where ALL that he owns is shoved and squished into a tiny zone. And that’s with “Big & Tall” man’s clothes.

I’m ashamed to say, for the past probably two years, the only way to get in there is to push back the door and squeeze through, then find myself about two feet above floor height, standing on all kinds and sorts of……skeletons.

Call them life-lessons if you will. Here are some thoughts I pondered as I sifted through the dry bones of my entire wardrobe, piece by piece.

1. This closet, my closet, is where good fashion goes to die.

2. If looking at an item causes me to flinch, it should be burned.

3. Would seeing a friend I love wearing such a thing make me feel guilty? Do I need to shield said friend from my own fashion-folly?

4. If I die suddenly, my husband may shop this wardrobe for my viewing.

5. If said husband is no fashionista like I claim to be…..’nough said….

6. You know it’s time to clean your closet when….you find your husband’s moth-eaten slacks buried under your stuff ’cause you’ve taken up all the space.

7. I am not a twin. STOP buying two of everything.

8. Just because it’s on sale, doth not a bargain make.

9. Just because it’s a high-end brand, doth not good fashion make.

10. Seeing many still tagged articles reminds me of this phrase: “if I just lose that final 5-8 pounds, it will be perfect.”

11. Even much less sense when that number grows…..

12. Seasons and fashions change. Yearly….

13. What I wore to an event with my first husband should not make it to my second husband’s closet. ouch.

14. If I remember buying an outfit because I was singing a solo at an event…….let’s just keep that warm fuzzy memory and not the clothes.

15. If I think, “I guess I can buy my jeans in ‘longs’ since the sale wiped everything else out in my size…” just say NO.

16. Is what I buy myself really consignment worthy? Really?

17. For that matter, is what I buy my kids? Found 3 bags full of toddler clothes (with good intentions) buried underneath…

18. Have your daughters approve your wardrobe. It hurts, but do it.

19. When she crumples to the floor in hysterics, it has to go.

20. When another exclaims, “MOM!!! Was I alive when you wore this?” yeah. let it go….

21. If one or the other offers this advice…”Mom, aren’t you too old to shop in that store?” …..let it truly die.

22. Or, “MOM!! You have more than one of these? Why? Just WHY??” Then tears the article from your clenching fists & exclaims: we have got to spare the public & keep this OUT of circulation! You are NOT consigning it!!

23. With uncontrollable giggles….”Your WHOLE outfit matched??”

24. Reality check: high-end “by invitation” parties can turn into something akin to “The Emperor’s New Clothes” fashion event.  Add alcohol-inducing opinion to giddy hostesses benefitting from said party….These items made my girls laugh like hyenas.

25. If you have to use the excuse, “I’m saving that formal  just in case you play Cruella De Ville at some future moment….”


Never consider your wardrobe a  “good investment.” It’s an investment alright, but they’re just clothes. That eventually will turn into your fashion skeletons. Let them be buried in someone else’s closet before they’re found in yours.


2 thoughts on “Skeletons in My Closet”

  1. OMG Heidi! This is hysterical and so right on! Going to share with Charlotte today! She’s wearing her retirement!

    Sent from my iPhone

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